Confession

In hindsight, the last post was a confession. The fact is that I feel as if I can't continue in this manner anymore. Although I am making strides in comedy (some comics smile and speak to me when I walk into rooms) and I'm on the cusp of making what I think will be a great short film, I cannot continue on this path anymore.

I need a stable, solid routine. Although I often felt miserable when I attended the universities, I was giving my all to them. I was straining under the pressure to get a stellar GPA. Mission accomplished. I also KNEW where I was going-- I scored an "A" in a psych class in which only 5% scored an A. I was a born psychologist. I don't have any of that anymore.

I need a solid, stable income. Everything is collapsing economically, and I am almost certain that the methods of obtaining the funds on which I have relied for years will collapse soon as well. I need alternate means.

My 20-year-old self is laughing maliciously at me right now. He put me on this path when I took an elective psychology course, became very impressed with the subject matter, then changed my major to psychology. And now I'm smiling as I imagine my young self as he glares knowingly at me.

I must attend grad school. Even Dartmouth showed interest in me when I tested the waters two years ago. But I'm leaning toward Boston University. I will return to L.A. eventually, but I need stability in my life right now-- I need a PhD.

If there is a god, god help me during this extremely difficult transitional period.