My Episode Seven

So now that we have discovered that Episode Eight is mostly a disaster, and it even sullies the better qualities of Episode Seven, I want to do my own version of "The Force Awakens," which would probably have a different title if my version were filmed. When I was in my late teens and early twenties I read many Kevin J. Anderson books and Star Wars comics, and I played almost all of the video games, which were all non-canon yet offered many better concepts than what we've seen onscreen.
I laughed at myself as I completed this story because in some ways it seems like Patton Oswalt's famous scene. I hope that it's not nearly as rambling and horrible.



Let's start with Rey and Kylo.

In my version, as in Kevin J. Anderson's versions, Kylo and Rey would be Han and Leia's twins-- actually, they weren't named Kylo and Rey, but... To break from the boring, formulaic tradition of protagonists Anakin and Luke being raised in very modest and depressing conditions, Rey would be a pampered and naive daughter of a princess who was raised in opulent conditions. BB8 is a pet droid that was given to her by a dignitary when she was a child. She and her brother were trained in the force by Luke, yet she has no sense of adversity in her life. She has not practically applied the force against an opponent, and she was fairly disinterested in her studies anyway.

In the first act turning point, Kylo, who studied the ways of the force much more diligently and wants to rebel from his upbringing, razes and torches his palatial hometown in an effort to "destroy the past" and eliminate any sort of threat to The First Order. He also thinks that he will find and destroy Luke. In my version, Kylo would be a sort of faux populist ruler like the emperor in the prequels, yet he would be far more charismatic and charming-- smiling and lighthearted like his father. Although Adam Driver does a good job of portraying him in the new films, the character is too whiny and stereotypical. So in the case of Kylo's/Snoke's army, we could do away with the boring First Order stormtrooper uniforms. His army would be comprised of human and alien figures who are "rising up" for a misguided political cause.

Leia and Rey manage to escape the chaos narrowly and flee to a different planet that houses The Resistance's headquarters. At the time, Han, who has long since divorced and estranged himself from Leia, was gambling or in the middle of a smuggling operation with Chewbacca. Kylo discovers that he had bad intel that Luke was there. He was actually on a different, ancient sith planet called Korriban, where he was researching the origins of the force and the dark side with C-3PO and R2-D2 based on something that he sensed there. When he was there he saw members of The First Order setting up excavation equipment. He manages to stealth out when he senses a disturbance in the force (destruction of Leia's home).

Rey knows that she and Luke are facing an enormous challenge, but Luke must convince her that she needs to regard her training seriously because if he fails she might be The Last Hope. Eventually she resumes her training earnestly. After Han receives word of the devastation, he pilots the Millenium Falcon to the rebel planet where Leia fled after her palace was destroyed. There might even be a badass combat scene in which he must destroy new order ships that are tailing Leia's ships. He, Leia, Luke, Rey, Chewy, C-3PO and R2D2 are reunited at approximately the midpoint in the script.

Luke informs the others of his plans to subdue Kylo solo by flying his X Wing in with Leia's unit then dealing with anything that it is on the surface alone. He thinks rightfully that Rey is too inexperienced for the mission and wants her to remain hidden. He says that the new order has a skeletal crew at Korriban where Luke himself was surveying ruins when Leia's place was destroyed, and they can easily penetrate their defenses with a small rebel fleet. He says that Kylo returned there immediately after his assault on Leia's world, and he is in search of an ancient Sith artifact that could make The New Order unstoppable. Meanwhile, the planet-destroyer ship has the bulk of the new order's military keeping guard of it as it nears the rebel headquarters' planet. At a certain point, Han is concerned about the way in which Luke will handle the situation. He suspects that his son and/or Luke will die during the confrontation ("HAN: Please let us handle this;" "LUKE: No, far too dangerous blah blah.") and maybe he even convinces Leia of that possibility. "Our son; our responsibility." So the emperor's observation in Return of the Jedi of, "your faith in your friends is your weakness" comes into play (unlike in the movie). Luke does not foresee the betrayal-- Han and/or Leia do what Vader failed to do and manage to freeze him in carbonite. We would need an assurance that carbonite freezing has improved vastly since "Empire Strikes Back" to the extent that it's 99.9% effective and safe so that Han doesn't seem like a dick. Han is emotional during the process, and as he sheds a few tears as he loads him onto the Millenium Falcon with the help of his rogue friends. Rey, who was spying on all of them, stows aboard the Falcon with the assistance of BB8.

Han, Leia, Chewy, R2 and C-3PO begin their journey to the ancient sith planet. Han lies to Luke's droids and says that Luke ordered him to freeze him in carbonite so he wouldn't be detectable to Kylo's force perception. R2 beeps out incredulous noises. There is far more resistance from The New Order's planetary guard ships than they anticipated. Leia's Resistance fleet is summarily destroyed as the Millenium Falcon manages to cut down only a few ships.
Han says something like, "don't worry about it." A band of ships that are comprised of mercenaries and pirate scum swoop into view and eliminate the remnants of Kylo's planetary guard.
Leia: "Impressive."
Han: "Yeah, well, they weren't free."
Leia (rolling her eyes) "Of course. But wait, where did YOU get that kind of--"
Han: "I hope you take IOU's."
Leia's mouth drops.
The Falcon's radar detects the spot where the excavation is located. The mercenary squadron proceeds to escort it to the location. Han orders R2 and C-3PO to guard the ship. When Chewy and Leia have exited, he says, "one last thing: if this thing goes sideways, wake him up. We'll keep you posted."
C-3PO: "'Sideways?' What? Oh, dear."
R2 protests loudly that they should take Luke out of carbonite hibernation immediately as 3PO shuts him up.
Han and Leia had no idea of the full extent of Korriban's evil and the fact that even the planet seems to have an evil life of its own. They and the mercenaries fight off demonic animals such as tuk'ata and wraids as soon as they touch ground. A weird, foggy darkness seems to envelope the entire planet.

In the Millenium Falcon Rey moves frozen Luke to the bridge with BB8's help and says to the droids, "help me out."
C-3PO: "We were given specific instructions not to do anything unl-- R2!"
R2 is already unfreezing him with BB8's assistance. They check his vital signs. He has moderate hibernation sickness, and he needs to lean on Rey for support.

Han's mercenary band manages to escort them to a tomb site, where they proceed to get picked off one-by-one by creatures and guards until Chewy, Leia, Han and just a few hired guns remain. The surviving mercenaries say something like, "we did our jobs; screw this" as they flee back to their ships. As Han protests, they hear them getting torn to shreds somewhere in the shadows. The triumvirate rushes into the tomb in a comedic fashion.

Rey takes charge against the predators on the planet as Luke and her make their way to the tomb. It's apparent that Luke is partially blind due to his hibernation sickness, which would not be a problem for a master force wielder in normal circumstances. Unfortunately, the dark side permeates the planet so strongly that even he has difficulty maintaining his balance, let alone fending off the creatures. We hear him counsel himself: "Relax. Breathe. The light can be seen even in the darkest of places."

Han, Chewy and Leia enter a gigantic cathedral-like structure that seems to be a tribute to evil. Frescoes and paintings of the darkest and most infamous sith Lords line the walls. There is also enormous statuary of scowling men and women. Some of the art looks new. Most of it looks ancient. There are indications that Kylo's team moved huge amounts of debris aside so they could enter it. They see Kylo, who is approaching an alter and removing a statuette from its base. The whites of Kylo's eyes disappear as darkness fills his eyeballs momentarily. Bolts of darkness streak across his body as he handles it. He stares at it in awe, then places it in a sack. "We have it. Let's go."
The guards notice the trio, and draw their blasters as Kylo motions for them to stop. During this motion he puts the good guys in force stasis, as well.
"Go. Seize them. Manacle the wookie."

We cut to the star-destroyer ship, which is nearing The Resistance's headquarters. It's not within its range, but it's getting dangerously close. The alarms sound as the resistance fighters scramble to their ships. "Where is Leia?" they ask. "She should be leading the defense."

The heroes are allowed out of force stasis and are exchanging words with Kylo. He obviously has a singular purpose for allowing them to talk: getting information about the whereabouts of Luke, who he senses is on the planet. He is confused about why Luke didn't lead the charge, and he suspects that he is hiding somewhere nearby and doing his own artifact mining. He proceeds to torture Leia, which prompts Han to break free from the guards who are restraining him. Kylo allows it. Then Han Solo's death scene plays out much like in "Force Awakens," but in my version Kylo is mostly remorseless. Han's body falls into a sea of darkness below the vault.

We hear a "NO!" as Rey lunges at Kylo with her lightsaber. Luke: "Rey, you aren't....!" Meanwhile, Chewy breaks his manacles in a wookie rage as he tears through two of the guards-- one of them shoots him, not fatally. Rey gets in a few good shots, and manages to deflect a few blaster bolts back at a few guards (one of whom calls for backup), but he makes short work of her and force-blasts her to a corner, where she takes a while to recover.

Luke grips a railing for support. He looks decrepit and useless. Kylo laughs. "Ah, the legendary Luke Skywalker. Look at you now." In the shroud of darkness around the tomb an areola of light encircles Luke. It gets brighter and blinding as Kylo approaches him. Suddenly Skywalker force-blasts Kylo and the remainder of his guard detail to the stone wall. Kylo obviously attempts to break free of this force field, but all of his efforts are useless. Suddenly Leia, who is tending to Chewy and his wound, screams, "Luke!" A phalanx of First Order guards are marching down the hallway from which they entered. As Skywalker turns his attention to them, Kylo and the guards fall to their asses. He knows that he is outmatched, and he wants to take the artifact, so he grabs it and yells, "forget them! Make for the ship!" They exit through a side passageway as Luke and Rey lay waste to the oncoming unit.

C-3PO comes in through Leia's comm link. "Mistress Leia, I hate to disturb you, but apparently the situation at headquarters is most dire." Luke force-heals Chewy's wound, then they race back to the ship.

We see that Leia's force is getting decimated. There seems to be no unit that can even penetrate the star-destroyer's shields. As they observe this destruction from a safe distance Leia says something like, "it's a disaster! Everyone fall back now! Retreat!" Luke: "Yes. Get them clear." He proceeds to sit on the bridge of the Falcon with his legs folded-- the same area where Obi Won taught basic force principles to him decades ago. He goes into deep meditation as he tears the star-destroyer apart with the force. As it explodes he exhales much like Yoda did when lifted his X Wing so long ago.

We see Kylo on the bridge of the ship in conversation with a hologram of Snoke. Snoke is obviously angry about the recent loss. Then Kylo presents the mystical statuette to him. Snoke cackles. "Their victory was entirely insignificant." Kylo smirks and nods.

FIN.