As I was driving down Ventura Boulevard today I was listening to music on headphones. My windows were halfway down because my air conditioning is broken right now. Suddenly, as I was stopped behind someone who slammed on the brakes to make a turn (as usual) I heard an effete voice say, "driving with headphones on is illegal."
A bicyclist.
Hey, cyclist, let's use deductive logic for a moment, shall we?
My music's volume was turned down at such a low volume that I could hear you as you said at a normal decibel (not yelling) "blah blah I'm a pathetic, whiney pussy" from a few feet away from my car's window. You, on the other hand, were weaving down one of the most famous and busiest highways in the country at 20 miles per hour on a bicycle.
Which of us poses the most danger to people... you fucking moron?
This incident also reminded me of something that happened to me in Burbank two years ago: I got a $60 ticket because when I parked my car it was exactly one inch more than was allowed from the curb. The parking meter guy even measured it shamelessly. When I complained that I was basically parked in an area that resembled a state park and my car was nowhere near traffic regardless of its distance from the curb he told me that a bicyclist blew the whistle on me. Apparently even though my car was maybe one foot away from the bicycle lane it was too close for the bicyclist cunt.
Now let's return to today's incident. Based on the Burbank incident and my ability to articulate my flawless deductive logic you might ask how I handled the cunt who was peddling down Ventura Boulevard.
Well, I addressed him in the same dispassionate, logical manner that I use in any situation.
I said....
"You know what should be illegal, you pussy?! THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD."
Aaaaaaahhhhh....
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