Why People Quit Comedy

When I was at a mic called "Marty's" a few weeks ago a guy who looked like Robert Downey, Jr. and had done comedy for just a few weeks asked me about the game. I'm only four years into it, which is like adolescence to professionals, but I can answer questions about it for rookies with some authority.
At one point he asked, "how many people do you think are still doing it who you saw when you started?"
My answer: "Twenty percent."
And if that number is incorrect then it's too high, not too low.

Lately I have ruminated about any number of people who have quit and their reasons for quitting because I'm a sentimental, mawkish piece of crap.

The top reasons for it are

1] They can't tolerate bombing anymore. Frankly, there are any number of amateurs who can't tolerate silence during their sets beyond even the one month mark. As I recently told a 7-year comic who admitted to me that he barely got any laughs until he was 4 years in, I was very fortunate that I killed during my second set ever because I probably would have quit shortly afterward. At the time I needed validation desperately.
A very common story that I also hear: some comics did very well when they started, then when they started doing huge shows and opening for stars who drew hundreds of people they suffered through 15 minutes of silence for weeks at a time on the road then were nowhere to be found when the tour ended. It's a massive blow to your ego when you're bombing in front of a huge crowd. I've bombed badly in front of non-comics (because who cares about open micers' reaction) only once during my career-- when I was at The Comedy Store and I was 10 months in. I felt like I just walked into The Louvre and smeared feces all over the art. It was just shameful-- but I vowed never again. Unfortunately, The Store has never allowed me to perform after that set.

2] They're finally getting laid again. "Fortunately," I haven't fallen into this "trap." In October I saw a guy who I had seen at various mics for maybe two years. But this time he had a girlfriend-- a girlfriend who had model quality looks. And this girl was talking a lot of shit about the comics who were performing. He left thirty minutes into the show when he was scheduled to perform next, so I went on instead. I haven't seen him anywhere since.
Women are good at balancing sex with work because they can get sex at the drop of a hat, but when men have a lot of free time to spare they decide to do comedy to emote about their sexual frustrations. When those frustrations are gone they're gone AND/OR they spend two months away from the comedy scene just banging that new gf then two months turns into four months then six months then they realize that they never liked comedy that much anyway.

3] They have children. This situation relates to #2, but it applies more to women than #2 because, as I stated earlier, women don't really fall victim to laziness just because they're screwing a guy. There was an outstanding female comic who randomly followed me after three or four sets during a course of a year or so. She almost always did callbacks to my material. I remember that I was doing some of my classic material such as the fact that women who are my age and older have "shredded roast beef vaginas," and I did a completely unrelated bit about what Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) probably looks like now. When she took the stage she glanced at me then said, "I would love to feel Carrie Fisher's roast beef vagina."
Deafening fucking laughter.
But she had a baby with her husband months later. I rarely see her around anywhere now.

4] The financial strain is too much. Many, many comics are living in their cars. It's something that they can stick out for maybe one or even two years, but when they're not making money beyond that two or three year mark they're out. I know professional comics who are barely surviving right now. It's infinitely worse for beginners.

5] The I'm gonna make it in just a few months because I'm so gooooooood morons I see these idiots around town all the time. Most of them are in their early twenties, ride skateboards, stare at a phone while veterans are performing then leave the room immediately after they've performed as if they don't need to learn anything. "Brats." The guy who I talked to at Marty's weeks ago who started me down this line of thought was nothing like these douchebags-- he has stayed for hours during the times I've seen him and just watched people. I want that kid to succeed.
Anyway, I see these morons sometimes in Hollywood, but I mostly see them during the rare times when I decide to venture to West Los Angeles (which is twice every year or so). They think that they will attain mega-fame in a short time, and have no idea a) that they suck and b) comedy is a marathon.

So, my advice for beginners:
1) Discover what is your favorite alcoholic beverage, and drink copious amounts of it.
2) Stay miserable.