Not Another Political Blog

Back to the Future... then and now

2012-01-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

the current appearance of the Burger King in Back to the Future as filmed by me:

Jack White: Gangsta.

2012-01-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

Picker: "You can take the guy out of Detroit, but you can't take Detroit out of the guy."
Jack: "You'll know that when you get on the road and realize that I siphoned all the gas out of your tank."

JACK WHITE ON AMERICAN PICKERS:

Angelo Bowers

2012-01-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

One week ago today Angelo Bowers was killed by a drunk driver (pictured on the right). You can read more about the tragedy here. Josh Adam Meyers (pictured on the left) was also injured in the crash.

I didn't know Angelo well. I remember distinctly that he was one of the forty(?) people who was present at my first open mic at Cafe Muse as I shivered my way through it more than a year ago. He had a memorable "white guy fro," and I just randomly saw him every other week at various mics.
My only vivid memory of him aside from my first open mic was when he was performing at a coffee house and I was sitting a few feet away from him. A documentary film crew just randomly entered the store and filmed parts of its back and interviewed the guy who was working at the counter. Angelo, who was performing in silence (as is so often the case for everyone at an L.A. open mic) laughed and said with a grin, "No! No! Don't film THIS. What if your film goes huge and wins an Oscar or something. Do you think I want people all over the world to see me bombing up here?" I agreed very loudly with him-- partly because I was slotted to perform immediately after him.

I wonder if that crew still has that footage.

Anyway, R.I.P. dude.

My New Year's Resolution:

2012-01-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

FINISH THESE FILMS (except for the one that includes the model who bursts into the room of dancers-- that one is complete)

Early Contender for Best Song of 2012

2012-01-03T12:59:00.001-08:00

Annual "Best of" List

2011-12-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

This morning as I did my daily jog/walk through Beverly Hills I passed within a few feet of Steven Spielberg. It reminded me that my obligatory "best of" pop culture list is due. That happens.

I prepared well for this list (sad), especially during the last few months.

Best Cinematic Performances

Michael Fassbender from "Shame" owned it. As Anderson Cowan from The Film Vault stated, "you could see the death on his face." Also, the manner in which he altered his reaction to the sight of a woman's wedding ring from one of the early scenes to his reaction to it in the final scene is priceless. It might be an expression that Only the Lonely understand.

Charlize Thereon from "Young Adult" was the best actress. She demonstrated that she had the skill and malleability to switch from solely dramatic roles to a mostly comedic role-- a DARK comedy, perhaps, but a comedy nonetheless. Unlike "Juno," the actors in "Young Adult" lifted Diablo Cody's good screenwriting to its full potential.

Best Film

A part of me wants to write that 2011 was a bad year for filmmaking, but I must credit Hollywood and its established players because it took so many chances on unconventional films such as "Tree of Life," "Cedar Rapids," and even "The Artist." That being said, I thought that NO great movies emerged from the pack. There were a few very good movies, though, and "The Way" is tops in my mind. "The Way" is listed as a 2010 movie on imdb because it had very limited releases in Europe, which means nothing to me. Almost everyone who saw it saw it during late '11. Its script has a few holes, but the acting is mostly solid and believable, and overall the story is excellent. It's a shame that almost no one knows about it.

Most Disappointing Movie
I love that I included this category in the first "best of" list that I made in '07 because there is always a movie that stands out as a mediocre offering that didn't live up to its potential. In this case, it's definitely The Hangover, Part 2. Some people say that the original "Hangover" was vastly overrated anyway, but for my money it was the best comedy of the '00s by far. Part 2 was almost doomed to failure. There was a time when we kind of ignored "Due Date" because we thought that Todd Phillips made it just to keep us occupied until Hangover 2 was released. Now, in retrospect, I think that it's safe to say that Due Date is actually superior to Hangover 2 and almost unappreciated now.

Best Song

If I considered "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People a 2011 song (as many magazines are) I would crown it "best song," but I can't consider it a 2011 song because I remember that I listened to it in late 2010 on L.A. radio. Also, it was recorded in 2009.
Last year I gave love to a fairly unknown artist. Here is another:

Best Album

It's not just 2011's best album. It's The Keys' best album. Unquestionably.

Best Joke
This joke might not be for everyone, and when I told it onstage a month ago (and credited its writer) there was dead silence in the room, BUT to me it's hilarious.
I must preface it by saying that Patton Oswalt discussed his parents' advice for parenting his own kids, and when he objected to their advice they said, "we did it with you, and you turned out alright." His reaction: "I didn't turn out alright. I talk about my dick to a room full of strangers!"
"I know that people consider the stripper the icon of bad parenting, but I put it to you that a comedian is FAR WORSE. A stripper walks onto the stage, shows her vag and breasts to you, and you give money to her AS YOU SHOULD. It's a nice, neighborly thing to do. Now imagine if the stripper came out, kept her clothes on and said, 'guys, for the duration of this REO Speedwagon song I'm going to be talking about my vagina.' Well, you would think 'this isn't good. Her dad must have fucked her while wearing a Garfield mask.'"

Random Hilarity

2011-12-11T08:51:00.001-08:00

"You were the one who Imagined it all... all those years ago"

2011-12-08T14:08:00.001-08:00

I want to remember the life and death of John Lennon by posting this vid, which I discovered almost exactly ten years ago when MTV actually played it when George Harrison died.

Random Hilarity

2011-12-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

Crushing

2011-11-15T07:46:00.001-08:00

This poll was posted on MSN's site this morning (November 15). It's unscientific, but I am willing to bet that a scientific poll would yield similar results.
As I have stated recently, the "occupy" movements will accomplish nothing because they never had solid, clear goals. They just had an issues free-for-all, which amounts to absolutely nothing.

Robert Smigel

2011-11-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

When I started watching Saturday Night Live regularly in the mid-'90s I eventually realized that a man named Robert Smigel wrote most of the skits and created most of the animated shorts that caused me to laugh hardest. If I had to rank my top five favorite comedians ever I would go with 1) George Carlin 2) Lewis Black 3) Robert Smigel 4) Chris Rock and (this one is fairly new to the list, but very deserving of the distinction) 5) Bill Hader.
Anyway, check out some of Smigel's under-appreciated genius here:

More Comic Introspection

2011-11-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

During October 27 I celebrated the one year anniversary of my comedy "career." Veteran comics would probably say that I went from the embryonic stage to the fetal stage, but given my age and my extensive education I think that I'm qualified to discuss the comedy scene as I view it.

A recent podcast has caused me to reflect about some things: Chris Rock's interview on WTF.

As Chris Rock states on WTF, many/most(?) young or new comics tend to hang out and shoot the shit at comedy clubs as opposed to studying other comedians. I have noticed it time and again. I think that it's probably typical of most art scenes now-- music, comedy, film, etc-- as more and more people tend to drift away from the development of their craft and toward self-promotion. When self-promotion is used in excess it is beyond masturbatory to me. I understand the need for it in moderate doses, and "fortunately" for me I hate myself far too much to engage in it extensively. But the delusions of grandeur that some artists are putting out there is causing them to lose whatever edge or focus they have. Again, I have even seen it with young musicians and filmmakers, as well. The concept of denouncing someone for "selling out" probably died a bit too soon.
If you are an artist, I urge you to study even the people who you consider "mediocre." You will learn from them. A couple of nights ago at The Comedy Store I watched Chris D'Elia as he struggled during the first few minutes of his set then went balls-to-the-wall with acting, inflections, accents, etc. He just didn't care about the audience's silence anymore. He went out on his terms-- and to loud applause. It was definitely a learning moment for me-- and inspiring.
So.... stop jerking off, and start learning, ya bastards. :)

I MET BRIAN WILSON.

2011-11-02T14:37:00.000-07:00

In Praise of Henry Rollins & Losing Patience with the Occupy Movemt

2011-10-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

The first time I met Henry Rollins he was in a Hollywood record store during Record Store Day. Ironically, he looked completely out of place and anxious.
Last night I met him again at a book store. He seemed as if he was completely in his element.
He promoted his new book. I recommend it.

I disagree with Mr. Rollins about a few things, some of which I have mentioned on this blog. But for the most part he is an extremely worldly and knowledgable man. I agree with him 90% of the time.

Last night I asked him, "Do you believe that the Occupy Wall Street movement lacks focus, and do you believe that it should have a single goal? I believe that it's sort of sputtering without a clear purpose."
His response: "No. The moment there is one guy giving marching orders and they're all following in lock-step then I'm worried."

Of course I disagree with this assessment, and I believe that this video represents what should be the clear, underlying purpose of the movement at this point:

Mike Judge's Birthday Gift to Me

2011-10-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

UuuuUUUUUuuuUUUUHHHHhhhhh.....
(photographed on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood)

Random Hilarity

2011-10-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly Good

2011-10-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

Metallica and Lou Reed are way past their primes, but I really like their new collaboration.
You might think that it's horrible,
which is also understandable.

Listen to it here.

Get Money Out

2011-10-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

I support the protests against Wall Street that occurred mostly during the last weekend in many major cities.
If you want to know who TRULY operates our government, check out the documentary "Inside Job"-- the protestors are 100% correct.
I am concerned that they don't have a coherent message though. I listened to an interview with one of them; she basically said, "big money bad and stuff." WHICH IS FINE, but I don't think that it's sufficient.
Let's do something that has a chance of effecting real change: go to
www.getmoneyout.com
and sign Dylan Rattigan's petition. When I signed it, it had 270 signatures. As I am writing this entry now it has almost 100,000 signatures.

Nevermind

2011-09-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

There was one glaring omission in my R.E.M. compilation: "Fall on Me." I made the list the night prior, then lost it, then believed that I could do it from memory. For the most part I was right.... except for remembering my fifth-favorite R.E.M. song....

Oh well. Anyway, check out that song, too.

Maybe R.E.M. planned to break up around the anniversary of the "birth of grunge." They were instrumental in inventing "alternative music." Today's twentieth anniversary of Nirvana's Nevermind album seems to have galvanized much more attention than the tenth anniversary. I guess that my generation is getting more sentimental.
I remember reading an article in Rolling Stone years ago in which Dave Grohl stated that his only real complaint about that era is the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video was released weeks before the song. He said something like, "it became a commercial for teen angst." I didn't see any of the Nirvana videos before I heard every song from the album on the radio. There was a college radio station called "Bulldog" in Georgia that played them almost nonstop. Sometime around my birthday in October of '91 I said to my friend, "I just realized that almost every song that I love on the radio right now is by the same band band-- 'Nervosa' or something." He laughed and said, "My dad calls it 'Nervosa.' It's actually Nirvana."
Almost exactly two years later I saw them during October 28, 2003 at the Michigan Fairgrounds for my first-ever concert. Months later when Kurt killed himself "the death of grunge" followed shortly thereafter. The Smashing Pumpkins were amongst the bands that tried to carry the grunge torch-- I remember that their videos became much more dark and the music became more punk, especially during '95-- and although "Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness" is the last truly great SP album, they failed.

Spin Magazine has a great tribute to all things Nevermind here.

R.E.M. Collection

2011-09-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

(vinyl banner that I purchased from Wuxtry Records in Athens, GA months ago- it was hanging on the store window when this album was released)

Download an album of my favorite R.E.M. songs here. Click on the "regular download" tab in the lower right corner.

Songs (in no chronological release date order):

1: "What's the Frequency Kenneth?" : The best song from the "Monster" album. The title was inspired by a deranged man who beat up newsman Dan Rather in New York as he yelled, "WHAT'S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH?"
2: "Losing My Religion" : It's the first song that made me take notice of R.E.M. when I was a child. It's about singer Michael Stipe's inability to express his attraction to someone.
3: "Man on the Moon" : My favorite R.E.M. song. It's an upbeat take on conspiracy nuts. Some people (including my great-grandfather) believed that the moon landing was fake. Some people have also claimed that they have seen the late Andy Kaufman and Elvis Presley at truck stops. Pure gold.
4: "Pretty Persuasion" : Stipe explained the lyrics of this song in a magazine interview once. He was very vague, but I believe that it has the same themes as "Losing My Religion."
5: "World Leader Pretend" : Kurt Cobain's favorite song. Opening line: "I sit at my table, and wage war on myself." It's partly an homage to Leonard Cohen's style. I loved it when I first heard it, and I loved it even more when I heard that Kurt worshipped it.
6: "Perfect Circle" : It's the best song from the "Murmur" album. It's also one of the few songs that drummer Bill Berry wrote.
7: "Nightswimming" : The best song from the best R.E.M. album "Automatic for the People." Stipe's voice was never quite as soulful and vulnerable as it is here. It's one of the few songs on which his vocal talents are on full display.
8: "The Flowers of Guatemala" : To me this song is a sort of ode to a mythical vacation spot that doesn't really exist except in one's mind. Guatemala is a war-torn and impoverished country, so it might as well be "The Flowers of Atlantis" as far as accuracy. But the line "the flowers cover everything" might symbolize Sitpe's rose-colored glasses view of even the shittiest places.
9: "Talk about the Passion" : Another gem from "Murmur."
10: "I've Been High" : To me this song is undoubtedly and sadly the only great song that the band made post-'90s. I loved it when I first heard it ten years ago (HOLY SHIT- REALLY?), and I love it even more as I get older because it's about admitting to AND trying to overcome the lethargy one feels as he ages.
11: "Electrolite" : My second favorite R.E.M. song. I realized that it was the best song on "New Adventures in Hi Fi," and it has even more meaning to me now that I live in Los Angeles.
12: "I Am Superman" : I just randomly heard this song at a Best Buy in Burbank last week. It's a cover song, and it's the best song on which Mike Mills sings lead (although his "Love is All Around" cover is great too).
13: "The Great Beyond" : The best thing to come out of the "Man on the Moon" movie about Andy Kaufman.
14: "Endgame" : Sometimes when I listen to this song a flood of memories come back to me. I remember reading somewhere that Stipe wrote multiple sets of lyrics for it, but he wasn't satisfied with any of them so he just resorted to humming it. Wise decision. It's a great closing song, but it's not even the closing song on the album "Out of Time."

R.E.M. and Memories

2011-09-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to the childhood friends who have recently contacted me from Athens, GA, but it's true: I consider myself a Michigander first and foremost, but Athens holds a place in my heart. I was somewhat surprised when I actually got emotional about the breakup of R.E.M. even though almost everyone who followed them expected this news because they had officially fulfilled the terms of their contract. I guess that it's a sign of aging. I don't know. Also, ironically, I was just thinking about my grandmother minutes before I heard the news. She moved away from Athens last month because she is dying and needs extensive care elsewhere. She was the last relative who lived there, even though at one point almost all of my mom's huge family lived there.

Anyway, I will post a list of my favorite R.E.M. songs tomorrow for MY ULTIMATE R.E.M. COMPILATION. You can throw that away or do what you want with it.

For now, check this out. It's a documentary about Athens that includes bits about the band's origins. There was a version on Youtube that had no commentary. Now I can find only a version that has recent director commentary. Anyway....

"9/11 changed everything."

2011-09-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

"Profiled and Cuffed in Detroit"

"This country has operated for the last 10 years through fear. We’ve been a country at war and going bankrupt for much of this time. What is the next step?"

Obligatory Thing about 9/11

2011-09-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

I wanted to delay writing this post for a while. I have many thoughts that I wanted to share about the 9/11 10-year commemoration-- most of it is boring.
But yesterday I realized something for the first time since 9/11: as much as I respect liberals such as Henry Rollins, when they say that 9/11 was a great opportunity to reevaluate the Unites States' foreign policy it's basically code for "fuck Israel." I tend to lean toward supporting Israel because I think that islam is utterly insane and malignant (as I have stated on this blog and on stages) but I don't really care much about the issue beyond "stop killing Israeli Jews, you morons."
Actually, stop killing Christians, as well. A few months ago I spoke with an Armenian Christian who was a guard in Israel. He was the guard in my former apartment complex in Studio City. I asked him, "Don't you get bored with this job?" His response: "No, I get to talk with a lot of people and see the sights on the roof of this complex. It keeps me awake for a different reason than when I was in Israel." "What do you mean 'different reason?'" "Well, my job in Israel was much less interesting, but if I fell asleep I knew that when I woke up there was going to be a muslim's knife at my throat."

Also, yesterday I heard something repeatedly that has disturbed me since 9/11/01: "America/ the world changed." It's not so much a statement of fact-- it did, in fact, change for the worse in terms of people's ATTITUDES-- as it is an excuse for something. I have stated on this blog that even before 9/11 occurred I declared to my professor that America's threats had changed since the end of the Cold War, and it was much more likely to be hit by terrorists... and he disagreed with me. Now there is no doubt that the world/America changed at the end of the Cold War, not during 9/11. People's ATTITUDES to that change was sharp and radical during '01. You might ask, "Why does that discrepancy bother you-- why do you care if it changed during '90 or '01?" The incompetence of American intelligence officials and politicians and their unwillingness to recognize the fundamental change (post Cold War, pre-9/11) should not impair Americans' freedoms. We should not acquiesce to their requests to remove more freedoms in order to make their jobs easier on the basis of fear and "America changed." Their failure to recognize and act upon the intelligence that was already in their possession pre-9/11 is not our responsibility.
I recounted a 2008 incident on this blog during which a moronic cop used 9/11 as an excuse to search my person and my car. So I have experienced this "it changed everything" bullshit excuse firsthand. The people who submit to x-rays and intrusive searches in airports experience it all the time-- it's just much less in their face than what I experienced.

So in conclusion, once again, fuck islam. I hate that I must write about that disaster and rail against the bastards who continue to exploit it to this day.

Meeting Argus Hamilton

2011-09-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

So today as I was jogging around Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills AS I AM WONT TO DO I saw an old guy jog past me. He said, "hey." I returned the greeting. Then I turned around. He looked familiar.
"Wait. ARGUS?!"
The comics who are reading this account already know Argus Hamilton's bio. He is deeply entrenched in The Comedy Store's lore and had an affair with Mitzi Shore. If you listen to Marc Maron's WTF podcast you will hear him and his guest mention him every now and then.
Anyway, he said, "yeah." He began to walk toward me. "I thought you looked familiar. Are you from _______ ________ (I don't remember the place he said)?"
"Where?"
"Oh, never mind. I thought you were from AA."
I burst into laughter. Argus Hamilton mistook me for a junkie, you guys.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, Ooooooohhh.... ............... OooooOOOOoooohhhh........
.....anyway, he continued, "I don't know if the people who recognize me are from The Comedy Store or AA or where."
"Naw, man. I know you from The Store. I'm a comic myself. Don't you have a bit about Beverly Hills rehab or something?"
"Yeah. In fact, you interrupted a '70s coke fantasy I was having. My dealer-- she used to fly from Colombia to San Francisco, store the coke somewhere in the plane's bathroom-- we're talking HUNDREDS OF POUNDS of this stuff-- thenstock it in San Fran and drive back and forth from there to L.A. with it. That was GREAT POWDER, man."
...... on my life I swear that this is all true.
Me: "Oh, great, man. I didn't mean to interrupt your jog. I should get back to it myself."
"Yeah, let's get back to it. It's the best high in the world."
I wanted to say, "better than that coke from Colombia?" but I didn't want to be a dick.
Instead, I said, "Yeah, I'll see you around, man."

AND THAT IS MY ARGUS HAMILTON STORY, BITCHES.

#DetroitLove

2011-08-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

I can't get over how awesome these new Eminem/ Royce songs and videos are:

Best Dream. Ever.

2011-08-21T12:27:00.001-07:00

I know that many people are tired of reading reports of people's dreams on the internet.
...But I think that this dream might break even the hardest among us.

For whatever reason I dreamt that Patrick Stewart--a very serious Shakespearian actor-- played a very serious dramatic lead in a Muppets movie. I remember only portions of the dream, but they are golden.
At one point when he is trying to woo Miss Piggy he strokes her hair and says, (British accent and all) "But my dear, you are a creature of sublime beauty."
In the final scene Patrick Stewart is trying to warn the muppets that a villain planted a bomb somewhere in their house. He is too late. As muppet parts fly through the air he stumbles backward, races toward the "camera" with his hands on his bald pate and breaks the "fourth wall" as he looks directly into it and yells (again, British accent and all)
"ARE YOU SHITTING ME???!!!!"

It was probably the first time since I was child when I woke up laughing my ass off.

....And I'm more determined than ever to make this movie happen.
I didn't even consume any drugs last night (including liquor). Honestly. I love you, brain.

On Comedy and Entertainment in General

2011-07-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

Janeane Garofalo says, "Obviously I'm a narcissist, but at least I have the decency to hate myself."
That sentiment is missing in many young comics. When I see them take to the stage I recognize a sort of profound arrogance that wears on me. They don't know anything, and they don't have enough life experience to justify even being confident, let alone arrogant.
Also, to tie this point in with another observation, I don't think that anyone is qualified to render a so-called DEFINITIVE piece of advice to anyone when it comes to entertainment. I started in filmmaking when I arrived here, and I have seen decades-old veterans of filmmaking INSIST that they are correct about something then have it blow up in their faces or someone else's face. The most successful directors-- Scorsese, Copolla, etc.-- are also the most humble. They will give bits of advice to filmmakers, yet in the same breath they admit that the things that work for them and are comfortable for them will not necessarily work for many other people.

The last time I did stand up a couple of days ago the crowd had thinned to two people. I was seated near the stage, so I couldn't see that the crowd of mostly comics was mostly gone. If I had known that there was almost no one other than the host and another person I would have declined to even take the stage, then the show would have ended. For me personally a crowd of less than 4 people is utterly worthless because I cannot test my material on such a tiny sample size (STATISTICS!). So I half-assed a half-set of material then walked off the stage. The host seemed as if she was put off. "Dude, JUST GO FOR IT. Why didn't you just go for it?" I responded, "It's two people. Who gives a shit? I can't test material on two people." I said "who gives a shit?" matter-of-factly, yet she is one of the aforementioned young self-loving narcissists so she probably interpreted it as a slam against her. She said (valley girl voice and annoyed valley girl facial expression) "it's just yooouuuu staaaanding on a staaaaage speeaaakiing... whooo gives a shiiiit?" Then she dropped the microphone and walked away slowly for effect.

I didn't counter her argument because I try to keep relations with other comics smooth. A part of me wanted to say, "Excuse me. How old are you?" When she responded, "23" (or whatever) I would have said, "then shut the fuck up." WHICH IS NOT TO SAY that I don't respect the opinions of people who are in their early twenties, but it is to say that no one is qualified to insist that they are right about a piece of advice in entertainment, let alone a 23 year old. A tiny crowd is pointless to me. Maybe it holds value to someone else. Great. We can all coexist.

And again... shut the fuck up.

Athens, Georgia

2011-05-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm in Athens, GA.

I last visited this town in 2000.
And it never changes.

It doesn't matter whether it's 1990 or 2011-- there will always be groups of stodgy white guys who wear tucked-in polo shirts, pressed slacks and baseball caps mixed with lone hippies who have long, messy hair.

I'm having a great time, but I often wonder what compels me to visit this place.
I haven't lived here since I was 13, and frankly I usually felt fairly uncomfortable almost every day of my life. When my family moved to suburban Detroit I finally felt as if I was HOME. I didn't even realize that I was uncomortable here until we moved.

People often say that psychology majors are only trying to diagnose themselves, which is totally false in my case. I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I was confused by my own problems. I wasn't. The study of psychology offered nothing to me about myself. ON THE OTHER HAND, my parents were/are weird to me.
They were much more southern-to-the-bone than I, and Athens is much more their town than mine. They met here, had their first date here, lived here for decades, etc. My mother's father was the head surgeon at Athens Regional Hospital.

So I think that a part of me is constantly trying to unravel the mystery that is my parents, which might seem hilarious to the many people who have told me that I myself am enigmatic.

But I must say that it's very nice to see the shy, warm smiles of the southern belles here, which is extremely rare in L.A.-- it seems to assuage whatever discomfort I might otherwise have. :)

Bin Laden

2011-05-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I heard bin Laden's name distinctly. It happened in rather dramatic fashion. It was 1994, and I lived in Dearborn, Michigan, which at the time had the largest Shiite Muslim population in America. I was in the car with my mom after we left a "Mediterranean cuisine" restaurant.
Mom: "We are never going to eat there again. Those Arabs who were sitting across from us were talking about Osama bin Laden."
Me: "Who is bin Laden?"
Mom: "A major terrorist. Between the words they were speaking I could make out his name 4 or 5 times, and my blood ran cold."

Four years later, in a political science class about south Asian politics and history, I made the case to my professor that since the end of the Cold War America was, in a strange way, "less safe" (I have since grown to despise the terms "safe" or "less safe" because they are used to cow the masses) since the end of the Cold War because the boundaries that defined the war no longer exist. Our fringe enemies don't care if they wage a "hot war" against us anymore because they are not beholden to either the Americans or the former Soviets anymore. He told me that he disagreed with me strongly. I told him that an attack from terrorists was probably imminent. This was 1998. Eerily enough, days later he devoted an entire hour to bin Laden and his presence in Afghanistan.

During 2001 the man who I had first heard about in 1994 and studied intensely in 1998 made his presence known to everyone who wasn't quite in the know.

The conspiracy theorists will undoubtedly tell us that his death occured many years earlier. They like to point to the fact that he was on a dialysis machine, to which I say, "big fucking deal." To reference my college days yet again, I knew a journalism professor who was older than bin Laden IN THE LATE '90s was when he was killed last week who walked into class every day with a dialysis machine. He is alive to this day. The dialysis machine argument means nothing to me.

Here is a possible conspiracy theory to which I WOULD give credence yet no one other than I and a few other people are considering it:
Remember big, bad Saddam Hussein? Oh, "HE NEEDED TO GO!" He was SUCH A MASSIVE THREAT TO EVERYTHING WE HELD DEAR-- the unarmed anti-terrorist dictator-- BECAUSE... WELL, HE JUST IS ... UH, EVIL N' STUFF. It seems like a perfectly logical excuse for a war, I guess (sarcasm), but you might have noticed that as the monkey president was waging his war against Saddam Hussein BECAUSE HE WASN'T PLAYING BALL WITH AMERICAN OIL INTERESTS he blew kisses and gave nods to Muammar Gaddafi. Well, folks, Gadaffi is everything that our dumbass government CLAIMED that Saddam Hussein is. He is a terrorist himself, and he actually HAS THE BLOOD OF AMERICANS ON HIS HANDS. Yet the monkey-man praised him the hilt during the last decade.
Why?
Because Gadaffi had THAT MUCH influence on a world stage because he was playing ball with very powerful Western oil interests.
Now, consider this: during a recent interview with Adam Carolla filmmaker Morgan Spurlock, who made the documentary "Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?" stated that as he traveled around the Middle East and asked people where bin Laden was located they all pointed to the exact same location on his map-- 70+ random people all pointed to exactly the same spot.
How is it even possible that the CIA--- despite its utter stupidity-- wasn't aware of that location?

Now let's weave these facts together: is it any coincidence that around the same time that Gaddafi fell out of favor with Western business interests that suddenly bin Laden was FINALLY in our government's crosshairs? Is it really out of the realm of possibility that a terrorist sympathizer pulled strings to maintain bin Laden's safety for the last ten years? Evidently his location was PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE for years, yet we passed on every opportunity to kill him.
One of the major things that you learn as you study international politics is that there are devious links to everything that our government does on a world stage. Always seek those links.

And one last thing: in many cases "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter" is applicable, but if you want to apply "freedom fighter" to bin Laden...
Get. Fucked.
He was an evil, twisted son of a bitch who loved a rotten religion.

April 5, 1994

2011-04-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

"I had a mind to try to stop you. Let me in, let me in
But I've got tar on my feet and I can't see
All the birds look down and laugh at me
Clumsy, crawling out of my skin

Hey, let me in. Yeah, yeah, yeah"

-R.E.M.'s tribute to Kurt.

:)

2011-03-17T14:24:00.001-07:00

March: The month of my favorite holiday

2011-03-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

McDonald's Shamrock Shake: Secret Origins

P.S.: A SMALL packs 550 calories? Jesus christ... No wonder they're telling me I look like DiCaprio. I don't even know what I'm putting into my body anymore.

"Worst 'Best Pictures'"

2011-02-25T10:22:00.000-08:00

I couldn't agree more with this list and its comments.

I remember that when I started in filmmaking I was terrified to criticize any director or movie because I thought that somehow someone would trace the comments back to me and....
I WOULD NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
Now, of course, I don't care. So let me state that if "The Social Network" wins Best Picture it will top Lost in Translation, Titanic, and any other film as "most overrated movie of my lifetime."

"Asshole"

2011-02-25T00:27:00.000-08:00

A few days ago when I was in Arizona I met a guy who spoke exactly like Denis Leary.

Memories of classic comedy followed.

For those of you who were just toddlers or a cell in your dad's sack you might not know about this classic video/song:

The Beverly Hills Bitches Who Saved Valentines Day- AND...

2011-02-15T16:00:00.001-08:00

As I was walking down Melrose yesterday and feeling sorry for myself I saw two hot twenty-something Beverly Hills ladies who were "dressed to the nines" pass near me. One of them smiled broadly and mischievously at me and said, "Trooouuubblllle."

Well, I didn't really know what that meant, but I smiled. Then they burst into a giggling fit. So to those girls, if there is some .00000000000000001% chance you read this, thanks. You saved a man's ego temporarily.

For those of you who I bored with that story, take heart in this news from Soundgarden's site:

February 15, 2011 - 12:21pm Over the past few months, we've been busy jamming, writing and hanging out together - exploring the creative aspect of being Soundgarden. It feels great. We have some cool new songs that we are going to record very soon. Thank you for all of the support!

Loudest of Love,

Ben, Chris , Kim and Matt
.

Pre-Valentine's Thanksgiving

2011-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

You have probably seen the cover:

And now other parties are confirming the details.

During this Eve-of-Valentine's it's important to note that most marriages seem to go this route. I have had only a few relationships-- none have ended spitefully. In fact, not to be a conceited bastard, but I would even be willing to say that I could easily have a fling with those women again if I pressed hard enough (even-- or maybe especially--the married one). Anyway, if you have managed to remain unmarried like me, let's give thanks (see what I did there?) for the things that we have avoided.

COVER

2011-02-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

Listen to/download The Decemberists' cover of R.E.M.'s Cuyahoga here. It starts out a bit rouch, but it levels into something beautiful- though not as beautiful as the original.

This is where we walked
This is where we swam
Take a picture here
Take a souvenir

Postscript

2011-02-09T08:36:00.001-08:00

I want to write an addendum to the last story, and hopefully it's the last time I consider it:

Right now if one of my friends approached me and said, "I saw my wife cheating on me- I need a few days away from that situation" or "I have a horrible drug habit- I need to take myself away from that environment" I would let him/her stay with me. As much as I hate to allow anyone to enter my apartment who isn't sleeping with me I would allow them to stay with me for as long as they needed aslongasitwasn'tamonthorsomething.
Because I'm a good person.

"Old stains, Bill, but just as telling."

2011-02-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

The other day I received an email (who obtained it from this blog) from someone who Ah fale much oblaaahhged to call out on this hare blog. I had not spoken to him in more than ten years, and I don't really appreciate his Google-stalking -- because I loathe him. I will not drop the name, but I feel like it would be a cathartic excercise for me to discuss the incident here. It makes for a fairly good story, too, I guess.

My life has been rather.... strange.

Also, before I begin this story I want to say to the guy that there is absolutely nothing you can say or do that would redeem yourself or cause me to forgive you.
Alright...

I spent most of my teen years in Michigan, but when I was 18 my family moved to North Carolina. At around that time my father and mother grew apart. She started to secretly date her old high school boyfriend (this occured before Facebook). He was married with children, as well. Obviously it didn't matter. One week when my father was out of town she invited him into the house. They made out in the living room, and I witnessed it as I descended the stairs. Say what you will about getting older and more mature-- there is something hideously disgusting and even traumatic about such a sight. And anyway, I was a baby. Maybe I was old enough to handle it better than an elementary school student, but the suddenness and hideousness of it struck me like a jackhammer to the heart.

So I did what any mature 18-year-old kid would do... I freaked out. I yelled at him; I called my father and other relatives to settle them down; etc. It was pointless. The marriage ended that night. So I had to get away. Suddenly I felt as if I was getting gang-raped in the prison that was North Carolina. So I made a plan: I almost never drove at that age and had maybe 20 hours of driving time total under my belt, so I thought it would be brilliant to drive 700 miles to Michigan THAT NIGHT and meet with my friends. Even more brilliant: I lost my glasses two days prior, so I was going to drive nearly blind... in my father's new Ford Taurus... with no cash, only a checkbook, which made paying for gas and begging the attendants to accept an out-of-state check so much fun. Obviously it was a moment of despair and desperation.

...But I don't regret it even slightly. I do regret that I decided to contact the guy who emailed me the other day when I realized that he was the only person I could reach. Of my two other great friends one had returned to Alabama, and I couldn't get ahold of the other guy. I was too embarassed to call people who I considered "marginal friends." So I thought that this guy could bail me out.
Heh.
I literally drove all night, and when I arrived at his/his mom's house sometime around noon I didn't expect a welcoming committee... But I also didn't expect what I encountered. I walked into an ominously quiet, solemn house-- expect for his sister, who laughed jeeringly at me. I was assured that I could stay a few nights-- which is really the only thing that I wanted at the time, a break from my disastrous life. I was exhausted, but I didn't sleep. I talked for a while then went with him to a bar. Sometime around the bar party he called his mother then spoke to her at length in a closed room...out of earshot... where I could overhear nothing.

It was decided that I needed to leave immediately.

I wasn't a psychology major at the time, but even then when he claimed that his mother had rendered that verdict and he could do nothing about it I could see the bullshit stretch from here to eternity in his eyes. He himself felt uncomfortable with my situation and my presence.

So, my "great friend," why exactly did you think that I ever believed that I wanted to ever speak with you again? Did you think that as I exhaustedly re-entered the state of Ohio literally for the second time that day I thought about what great fun I had with you? Did you think that as the rain fell in northern Ohio, the sludge from the roads accumulated on the windshield, and I couldn't wipe it away even with rags as I continued to drive without glasses and a smear of a roadway in front of me that I had warm feelings about what had happened hours earlier? When the car slammed into my dad's new car as I unknowlingly changed lanes (150% my fault) do you think I wanted to party with you?

Get. Fucked.

One somewhat cool thing occured, though: on top of everything else-- the huge dent in the side of the car, low visibility, zero experience, etc..... one of the headlights went out. And somewhere in West Virginia a song came on the radio, "We can drive it home... with one headlight." And that's exactly what I did.. and I get chills when I hear that song to this day.

New R.E.M.

2011-02-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

R.E.M. has released a host of new material from their forthcoming album-- most of it boring, some of it fairly good:

R.E.M. is originally from Athens, GA, where I spent most of my childhood.
I met Stipe in a bookstore two years ago in L.A. He signed one of my pickguards (I don't play- I just carry them around for signing purposes). He asked me (honestly) "which side is up?" before he signed it.
Huh... 30 years into the game he remains unknowledgable about instruments. More power to him.

The White Stripes are Finished

2011-02-02T10:12:00.001-08:00

Sad news. I saw them in Detroit once.

Iliza Shlesinger

2011-02-01T05:01:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping that Iliza Shlesinger has an internet search about herself, and somehow this unknown blog in the middle of a black hole will get her attention.

Last night she posted a picture of her female dog on Twitter. The dog had a surly expression on its face. I replied with something to the effect of, "Wow, she looks like a BITCH." She then proceeded to block me and remove the image.
I tried to explain that I meant no harm by it on my account, and I'm wondering even now why I continue to care about it.
I think it's because.... I'm at the point in my life where I hate assholes, and I never want someone to misinterpret a comment to such an extent that she believes that I'm an asshole and reconsiders her actions as a result of said misinterpreted comment.

So Iliza, as I posted on my Twitter account, I praise female comics in my set, and I wince when it's "just us guys" in a room and they suddenly feel compelled to talk nonstop shit about women. I'm NOT THAT GUY. I'm one of your allies.
Also, my dad was raised by a Jew, so can't we just keep it like two Jewish souls who look like Irish people (haha) and who pissed away their childhoods in the south?
Can't we just keep it like family?

Thanks.

On Purposeless Acting Courses

2011-01-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

I don't want to offend anyone, but I must admit that I have never understood the point of acting courses for many people.
I think that I have written about this topic and my experience with a mandatory acting course that I took in film school previously on this blog. But I want to emphasize that I think that many of them are frauds in the manner in which they try to sell various "methods" and other nonsense when in fact they might as well sell Dumbo's feather. It's all about confidence-- the confidence that you need to play various parts of your personality and the confidence to draw on your experiences and put them on display. In my opinion, there are much cheaper ways to gain such confidence-- you don't need to pay someone $100 per hour.

Confession

2011-01-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

In hindsight, the last post was a confession. The fact is that I feel as if I can't continue in this manner anymore. Although I am making strides in comedy (some comics smile and speak to me when I walk into rooms) and I'm on the cusp of making what I think will be a great short film, I cannot continue on this path anymore.

I need a stable, solid routine. Although I often felt miserable when I attended the universities, I was giving my all to them. I was straining under the pressure to get a stellar GPA. Mission accomplished. I also KNEW where I was going-- I scored an "A" in a psych class in which only 5% scored an A. I was a born psychologist. I don't have any of that anymore.

I need a solid, stable income. Everything is collapsing economically, and I am almost certain that the methods of obtaining the funds on which I have relied for years will collapse soon as well. I need alternate means.

My 20-year-old self is laughing maliciously at me right now. He put me on this path when I took an elective psychology course, became very impressed with the subject matter, then changed my major to psychology. And now I'm smiling as I imagine my young self as he glares knowingly at me.

I must attend grad school. Even Dartmouth showed interest in me when I tested the waters two years ago. But I'm leaning toward Boston University. I will return to L.A. eventually, but I need stability in my life right now-- I need a PhD.

If there is a god, god help me during this extremely difficult transitional period.

The Struggle

2011-01-26T20:19:00.000-08:00

Some of the people who have followed this blog for a while know that I like to switch it up from entertaining items to my personal anecdotes.
Well, now I'm going with the anecdotes. If it bores you, turn away now. This is going to get messy.
When I first moved to L.A. from Seattle I was wandering out of the wilderness-- I had wasted away years trying to find a job almost ANYWHERE after I had attended University of Michigan and Western Michigan University. Obviously Michigan was hit hard by economic crisis even BEFORE the recession set in; I was almost forced to move to Seattle based on a job prospect... that never panned out.
When I moved to L.A. I met many people like me-- dead-enders, if you will-- people who were told since birth that a career in entertainment is virtually impossible yet found themselves stuck in the predicament of "if I can't even do something that I only slightly like, why not try my hand at something I love- even if I fail?" We were societal rejects. I attended film school at a trade school in Hollywood. Everyone whom I met and liked (8 or so people) is gone now. They returned to their native states or countries. The nearest person who I like lives in San Diego now. I love San Diego, but the drive is a bitch.
Anyway, I have since met other a few other people-- and even most of them are gone now. Even the guy who I use usually as my director of photography can't do my newest shoot with me because he is going to return to Paris for several months.

As far as relationships are concerned, L.A. is a fucking killer. The people you meet here go in and out of your life like so much pasta. It really tears at you. Even some of the comics I've met and like at open mics are now doing road tours and I never see them anymore. It's a life of capriciousness and insanity.

I don't recommend it to anyone aside from the mentally imbalanced.
And, as I have stated here, if you really love to make films despite the massive setbacks that you experience almost daily, you are in fact mentally imbalanced- obviously I include myself.

Random Hilaawwity

2011-01-19T00:20:00.001-08:00

Ad Love

2011-01-17T05:03:00.000-08:00

Update about the last piece I posted about the Michael Jackson album: apparently the guy who supposedly claimed that he faked MJ's voice claims that his account was hacked. Dead story.

Anyway, last night I saw an unbelievably awesome ad during the Golden Globes:

I love the quotation, "I would rather fail doing this than succeed at doing anything else."

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is called INSANITY.
AND. I. LOVE. IT.
In order to succeed at this game one needs that obsessive, narrow focus on the target. My love for filmmaking began during 1990 when my best friend Toby's mom bought tickets for Goodfellas for us then drove away. It was the first rated R movie I had ever seen, and it caused me to make a transition from apathy or outright antipathy toward films to fascination about them.
More on that later.

Fake MJ?

2011-01-16T19:13:00.000-08:00

According to Antiquiet, yes:

Michael Jackson’s first posthumous release, Michael, was a hotbed of controversy and speculation. While a few seemed convincingly real, some of the tracks didn’t sound much like Michael at all, Breaking News perhaps the worst case of the bunch.

Regardless, after the album was released in December, the controversy that had been brewing seemed to dissipate. Tonight, however, Jason Malachi, the rumored performer of these seemingly non-MJ vocal tracks posted the following statement on his Facebook confirming our worst suspicions:

“Sheesh guys, I guess it’s time to confess. I’ve lied to many people, including someone today, but… It was me. It was me who sang Breaking News, Keep Your Head Up, Monster and Stay.

I had a agreement with the record company, but now the cat is out of the bag. Sorry to all my fans, and fellow Michael Jackson fans.”

Many fans had come to this conclusion themselves, but both Jackson’ estate and Sony maintained that the music was 100% authentic. If Malachi’s statements are true, the blame is most certainly with Sony for shamelessly pushing this Jackofraud onto his massive fanbase for a paycheck.

#OldHollywood

2011-01-16T05:53:00.001-08:00

The other day I re-watched "Some Came Running" (1958) with Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra for the first time in many years.
If you haven't watched it, I encourage you to watch it soon, especially if you're a filmmaker. If I made a list of my top 100 favorite films it would rank somewhere around 70. Its only real glaring fault is the poor character development and bizarre mannerisms of Dean Martin's character's girlfriend.
If you're a filmmaker even if you don't like the story you might be intrigued by director Vincente Minneli's unusual technique and editing style. There are many very wide, long master shots, only a handful of medium shots, no OTS shots and of course no close-ups (which were invented much later). In fact, it has almost no cuts until its final few minutes-- the cuts are almost entirely reserved for the action-filled climax. You might have seen other very old films that employed the same techniques, but it was still fairly unusual then and extinct now.

Ghostbusters 3?

2011-01-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

Per scriptflags.com:

"Director Ivan Reitman has stated that a finished script for Ghostbusters 3 has been sent to Bill Murray and is awaiting approval. Ghostbusters 3 will be killed dead in its tracks if he passes on it..."

Read more here.

I'm much more of a product of the '90s than the '80s, but I remember those movies, and I'm hoping that it will have Bill's approval.
For a long time he tried to disown his role in the films, but as we saw at last year's Scream Awards he isn't opposed to suiting up for the role anymore:

(P.S.: how hot does Sarah Silverman look in this video?)

Fuck you! And fuck her too!

2011-01-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of the top 100 worst days of my life. The only good thing that happened was someone told me that I resemble Leonardo Dicaprio.
If you think that reading other people's complaints, which I will direct to 1) The Adam Carolla Entertainment Network and 2) the L.A. comic scene, is boring then please stop now.
Good.
Moving on....

You might have noticed below this post that the day began with the notification of the removal of two videos that I posted on Youtube. I spent the better part of two days uploading those videos while I did other tasks on minimum bandwidth because my computer is very old-- I'm going to replace it soon. It took quite a deal of endurance to post those videos because my other programs operated very slowly. Prior to the addition of those videos I have posted vids of Fiona Apple, Sarah Silverman, and the entire cast of Iron Man 2.
No one has ever complained about my videos prior to yesterday.
I know for a fact that Jon Favreau himself has seen my Iron Man 2 video. He didn't care. Jon Brion, who is shown in my video of Fiona Apple (which was also featured in a "New Yorker" online blog post), posted a link to my video of her on his Twitter account before he deleted all of his tweets. Obviously he liked it. It's safe to say that the owner of Largo (where the Fiona Apple video was filmed on the sly) has watched the video. He let it pass. Sarah Silverman obviously glances at my camera in my video of her. She doesn't raise an objection. The famous comedian Marc Maron has seen the video. He doesn't care.

........It all leads us to the Adam Carolla videos.
ACE crew, you threw the book at me without warning me or contacting me first.
Morons, did you notice that NONE of my videos have ads? Did you notice that I'm not trying to monetize or redirect people to other sites through the videos? Did you notice that I had absolutely zero ulterior motives for posting those videos? Did you notice that I'm a good man who does good deeds and those videos are solely for the pleasure of fans?

So... Why? Because you have some zero tolerance policy? Were you worried that I might eventually have a change of heart about monetizing the vids and take the 50 cents that you could have made on those vids out of your pocket?
Well, get (slightly) worried about this: I have spent more than $300 during the last couple of years on your merchandise and standup tickets. I am going to cease patronizing you. So, if your show lasts another 10 years or so you just fucked yourself out of an excess of $1,000 from me.
So, you saved yourself that 50 cents that I was never going to take anyway and pissed away ten Benjamins, not to mention whatever pleasure fans might have taken from the vids.
Brilliant. Stunningly brilliant.

Moving on....

L.A. comedy scene, I love most of you, but a few of you can go fuck yourselves. For a long time (since I began in late October), unlike almost all comics, I remained seated and supportive of literally every comic who did the open mic in the room even when my set was over. That streak ended yesterday.
Yesterday I experienced the most depressing set of my "career" because everyone was moving around, talking and not really paying attention to anyone, let alone my material. It was even worse than my very first set because at least then people were providing feedback to me through silence. There is a difference between not laughing and not giving a fuck. Of the seven people who were in the room, only one person was listening. The rest clearly didn't give a fuck-- about me or any other comic.
Guys, it's a reciprocal arrangement. I will not perform where I see that nonsense anymore. And it reflects very harshly on the L.A. comedy community, which is already characterized as totally indifferent to everything and everyone. Every comic likes to tell each other, "Get out of L.A. -- this is not the place for comedy. There is too much desperation and angst here." Well....

To the comics who DO care: I want to improve this scene. I've wanted to improve it since I started. I want to defy the stereotypes. I need your help.

New Year's Eve 2010

2011-01-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

I will post the end of the show in a few days.

Omission

2011-01-02T16:07:00.000-08:00

A few days ago when I wrote my annual picks I omitted "Best Joke."

The irony in this omission is that I heard more jokes last year than I heard during the course of my entire life.

Yet the best joke was delivered by... Tom Green. I like Tom, and I am cheering for him comeback because I thought that the entertainment community unfairly backed over him with an 18-wheeler ten years ago. But when I listened to his standup routine a few nights ago I suddenly realized ten jokes or so in that he had not written most of it. I have heard that he is hanging around with Norm MacDonald, which makes sense because it was mostly material that Norm might have written.

So... this joke was probably written by Norm and performed by Tom, and it's damn good. I will try to paraphrase it to the best of my ability and add the parts where Tom was acting-- some of the joke's hilarity depended on good acting:

"So these days teachers are sending nude pictures of themselves to their students. That never happened when I was a kid. It's hard for me to even imagine how it would have played out then. These days a teacher just has to pull down her shirt, snap a picture then forward it to the kid. In my day I guess she would have to be sorting through the tests as she downed a glass of Crown Royale, see Johnny's name on the paper, get turned on, then search through the cabinet drawers for the camera (miming of a vigorous search). Then she would have to go through all those mirrored cubes that you would have to put on the camera, find one that wasn't burnt out, put it on the camera, turn it around many times to find that part that wasn't broken, pull down her shirt, snap the picture, put it in an envelope, address it to Johnny, lick the envelope-- and I really miss tasting that gluey stuff, don't you guys?-- seal it, lick the stamp, put it on the corner of the envelope, throw on her coat, make her way to the mailbox-- ALL THE WHILE STILL DRUNK-- open the mailbox (this is when he began to mime putting the letter in the box with a puzzled look on his face, then slowly turned to the audience)-- and somewhere in this process it probably occurred to her....... 'maybe this isn't such a good idea.'"

My Annual 2010 Wrapup and Picks

2010-12-31T14:55:00.000-08:00

This year was great for me, and I feel slightly guilty when I state that it was great because I know that for many Americans-- Louisianans in particular-- it was horrible. So I write it with a conscience.

I began my standup "career" just a few months ago, and just a few weeks ago the comic who followed me said, "that was fucking amazing. Wasn't that a great set, guys?" The whole room burst into applause. It was the happiest moment of my adult life. So, given the imbalanced nature of bad to good things that I have experienced during the course of my life, I expect to die soon in a freak accident that involves biological waste and a massive fire that starts slowly near my crotch then builds to bonfire-size and engulfs my whole body.

Now it's onto my annual picks in entertainment (the only subject that matters):

Best Movie:

I must go with INCEPTION on this one. Its only drawback is its replay factor. It loses a lot upon its second viewing-- at least to me. But in terms of originality, acting and just plain fucking coolness, this film is a winner. I would say that Black Swan is a close runner up.

Most Disappointing Movie:

It probably goes without saying that "Shutter Island" takes the cake in this category. It was my least favorite Scorsese movie since "Kundun."

Best Cinematic Performance:

Last year I chose a dark horse in Christian McKay as Orson Welles in "Me and Orson Welles." This year I'm going to go with a favorite and lock for an Oscar: Natalie Portman in Black Swan. If you haven't watched that movie I can't recommend it enough. Anything that can cause a heterosexual man (me) to be blown away by a ballet movie is a work of genius. I don't even believe that Portman is a good actress, but as John Lennon said about music, everyone has at least one hit song in them.

Best Album:

If you haven't bought it, buy it. "White Flag" is its only weak spot.

Best Song:

I'm going to go with my favorite indie artist on this one. Listen/buy "Satellite" by Lelia Broussard. Help a sister out.

Oh, PNW

2010-12-25T09:22:00.001-08:00

How does a proud former resident of Seattle who is permanently stuck in the '90s (me) celebrate the holidays? THIS:

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KURT COBAIN!

Remembering John

2010-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

"Did you ever notice who it is — stop to think who it is we kill? It’s always people who’ve told us ‘Live together in harmony and try to love one another.’ Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, John Lennon — they all said ‘Try to live together peacefully.’ BAM! Right in the fuckin’ head. Apparently we’re not ready for that. That’s difficult behavior for us."
-George Carlin.

"With a Smith and Wesson 38
John Lennon's life was no longer a debate
He should have stayed home
He should have never cared
And the man who took his life declared,
He said, 'I just shot John Lennon."
'I just shot John Lennon.'"

-The Cranberries.

I am practically an expert about John Lennon. I have read 3 books about him and 2 or 3 about the Beatles. If you have any questions about him feel free to email me.
The thing that is lacking in the news coverage of his memorials this morning is that so far I have not heard a commentator honor his memory by stating that his death was a twisted, ironic reminder of the violence that he outspokenly opposed and that we should work toward eradicating... the sort of senseless rush to violence that might cause a country to invade a non-threatening country, strip it of its sovereignty, then rape it of its resources.
Don't misunderstand me: I don't believe that everything can be resolved via pacific means. Lennon was such a radical pacifist that he believed that World War 2 was unnecessary.

If you know the basics of Lennon's life and want to learn about more obscure things, including surprising personal anecdotes I recommend this book to you:

Fred Seaman was one of Lennon's assistants. Although Lennon later disliked and distrusted him, he worked for him until the of his life. The book reveals things that might surprise you such as the time when Lennon navigated a ship through stormy waters when everyone on board--including its captain-- was terrified and the time when he predicted his own death to Seaman months before his assassination.

A couple of years ago I posted downloadable audio from Lennon's final interview on this blog. I might do it again tomorrow if conditions are right.

On Love

2010-11-21T13:35:00.001-08:00

So I'm in love now, which I barely believed was possible even one year ago.
I thought that an overflow of emotion on this scale was impossible for me at this stage of my life, even though I have read biographies in which men who were much older and less vulnerable than I have fallen to such things.
It definitely isn't a choice. It was almost totally random. I never believed that I would find a woman who is totally compatible with me on so many levels. I never thought that a woman could warm my soul the way she warms me.
But it's impossible. I think that she is deeply committed to her boyfriend.
Although I have spoken to her in the past, we only exchanged pleasant looks last night, and I avoided talking to her because I know where this situation is headed. I have experienced it so many times with women with whom I wasn't even in love.
During the last several years I have dated only actresses who have approached ME because I am so protective of my heart at this stage of the game.
But again, I KNOW that this woman has a boyfriend, yet I can't prevent myself from falling more deeply and madly in love with her.
As I came to terms with this reality, I was in so much pain last night I couldn't believe it.

So I'm a fucking idiot.

New Arcade Fire: "1979" meets 2010

2010-11-19T00:35:00.000-08:00

The new Arcade Fire video for "The Suburbs" was released.

There are all sorts of dark shades in this video- I think that Jonze is trying to communicate the brightness of the past/youth and slam it together with the dreary reality of the present...
The video BEGINS with police sirens, shakes us with images of security checkpoints in a residential neighborhood, then ENDS with police sirens.
It's as if Jonze is showing the joyous and carefree nature of the Smashing Pumpkins' wild teen videos from the '90s and asking us, "what would happen today?"

You aren't safe from state-sanctioned terror... even in The Suburbs.

New Green Lantern Trailer Released Today

2010-11-17T05:04:00.001-08:00

It looks promising.

Due Date Review

2010-11-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

Before I post this critique I want to mention that I love Todd Phillips. Anyone who can cause me to love a movie about Starsky and Hutch is a comedic genius. When you inspect his ouevre you realize that he is the Martin Scorsese of comedy. I, like any comedically-minded person, would kill (not literally...... well...) to be in one of his movies. When I was at The Comedy Store in Hollywood a couple of weeks ago one of the comics misinterpreted something that an audience member said, literally hopped a foot or so into the air and said, "Todd Phillips IS HERE?!" No.. but one of the actors who played a main character in "Slumdog Millionaire" and a high-ranking Disney executive was, so it wasn't an absurd question by any stretch. Anyway, such is the respect that Phillips commands.

Now... onto the review...

When one thinks about buddy comedies he generally considers similar characters: "Grumpy Old Men;" "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion;" "Beavis and Butthead;" "Dumb and Dumber," etc.
In Due Date the characters are polar opposites. You might say, "well, it's not unheard of-- a 'straight man' and a wisecracking asshole." Well, not exactly. In this movie Zach Galifinakis reprises his role as the "special" guy. Robert Downey, Jr. (much to my horror) plays the stereotypical Los Angeles asshole. The problem with this combo-- and I'm certain that Phillips has already realized this-- is that we start to relate to Downey's character at the beginning. It's like a bear trap because he slips into an elitist and almost psychopathic character as the film progresses. Somewhere near the midpoint he begins to regard his mentally impaired sidekick with almost murderous rage. Mentally, we begin to wander away from the movie.
It has a few good jokes, but the flow is all wrong.
In "The Hangover" one could relate to either Ed Helms' and/or Bradley Cooper's character fairly easily. Galifinakis was the funny freak.

It's not to say that Due Date doesn't have charm and humor. However, I would rank it 2 of 5 stars.

9/11 did, in fact, "change everything." It killed the fourth amendment.

2010-11-14T18:39:00.000-08:00

Security thug: "Upon buying your ticket you gave up a lot of your rights."

Passenger: "Inarguably the government took them away after 9/11."

I have already posted my experience with a police officer who directed me out of my car, frisked me and seached my car without probable cause of any sort under the premise of "9/11 changed everything."

Now someone else is standing up to the thugs... and facing the consequences:

Read about his story here.

Listen to the audio:

Chimp Fail

2010-11-10T12:36:00.000-08:00

From The New York Times:

"A rare appearance in prime time for former President George W. Bush finished a disappointing fourth place in the ratings in its time slot on Monday. The NBC News special 'Matt Lauer Reports,' featuring an interview with Mr. Bush, who was promoting his memoir, attracted a modest audience of 7 million viewers, according to Nielsen’s estimates, fewer than its rivals in the 8 p.m. hour, including Fox’s 'House' (9.7 million); CBS’s comedies 'How I Met Your Mother' (9.1 million) and “Rules of Engagement” (8.6 million); and the first half of ABC’s two-hour 'Dancing With the Stars,' which averaged 20.4 million from 8 to 10. NBC was fourth for the night over all, trailing ABC, CBS and Fox."

Random Hilaaawwwwity

2010-11-05T16:52:00.001-07:00

Soul-Crushing

2010-11-02T00:44:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles child dressed in Spiderman costume shot by gangsters

This child has since died.

Mel Gibson's Career Officially Dead

2010-10-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

You might have read about the story: "The Hangover 2's" director, Todd Phillips, planned to have Mel Gibson do a cameo in the new movie. However, his cast was apparently disgusted about the idea. Zach Galifinakis was particularly vocal about it-- although he mostly used implications to avoid legal and career trouble. At any rate, the Gibson cameo was killed.

Read a great opinion piece about it on The Wrap:

"Mel Gibson always was Hollywood’s most talented death-gasper, what with the rolling eyes and the melodramatic shuddering and, in one famous case, a final cry of 'Freedom!'

Gibson reprised that scene in spectacular fashion Thursday, when his peers dragged his battered, barely-breathing career into the square, gutted it and fed it to the vultures."

More

Back to the Future MANIA

2010-10-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

This month we are celebrating the 25th anniversary of the release of the first (and best) Back to the Future movie.

They are also going to release a special edition Back to the Future Blue Ray collection during October 26. It will include the never-before-shown-to-public rejected scenes of Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly. For people who might not know: Stoltz was originally chosen to play Michael J. Fox's role. They shot 1/3(?) of the movie with him. When director Robert Zemeckis and producer Steven Spielberg watched Stoltz's footage they realized that they had committed a horrible error.

I remember when I watched Back to the Future for the first time VERY distinctly. The clock on the Delorean in the movie reads, "October 26, 1985," which was also the day during which the movie was released. Well, I had recently turned 8 because my birthday was October 27. I remember that even at that age I understood all of its content, and I believed that it was a perfect movie. Now, almost exactly 25 years and many months worth of screenwriting classes under my belt later, I know that it really was in fact almost structurally perfect.

John Lennon's 70th Birthday

2010-10-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

You have probably listened to Perfect Circle's cover of "Imagine." Watch the video here.

Sign the petition to recognize Lennon's birthday as a national holiday here.

Among the many reissues of Lennon's material, this album strikes me most. When John recorded his songs-- from his earliest Beatles days to his '70s solo work-- he added many audio effects to cover his voice because he was insecure about it.
Yoko has stripped his voice down to its rawest form.

I don't own it-- I am going to buy it today, though, because I've heard good things about it. Check it out here.

I have read a few biographies about Lennon as well as the huge Beatles Anthology tome. I have also listened to recordings of his actual interviews, including his final interview, which was recorded a few hours before he was killed. Of the many stories I have read and heard about him, the one that strikes me most about him was one of Paul McCartney's anecdotes.

Paul and John had achieved the heights of their fame. They were sitting across from each other. John was wearing his shaded "granny glasses"-- his trademark circular-lensed glasses. One of their conversations devolved into a loud argument. Suddenly, as the argument became more and more heated, John paused, leaned forward, then pulled his granny glasses to the tip of his nose so that his eyes were visible. He smiled as he said, "hey, it's still me."

Star Trek: The Next Generzzzzzzz

2010-10-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

So you're probably familiar with this piece of garbage.
It's the ONLY show that I dislike yet I continue to watch anyway because it stirs good memories from my teenage years when I watched its repeats (canceled in the early '90s-- watched in the mid '90s) almost daily.
But in those days I wasn't quite old or sophisticated enough to recognize unbelievably shitty writing.
Today I watched an episode that is titled "Child of the Galaxy" in which a huge alien creature that lives in the vacuum of space gives birth. But the Star Trek crew kills the mother accidentally. We are left to watch as painfully dated '80s graphics show a "baby alien" wander around the outside of the ship then attach itself to the ship......
Yeah, it's fascinating, stimulating stuff.... to a moron.
When the ship's engineers are asked to provide a solution to the problem, this gem is offered:
"If the baby is nursing perhaps what we need is to find a way to sour the milk."
I turned off the TV.
If you want to watch the episode in its entirety-- as a sleep aid or something-- here you go:
The Bane of Gene Rodenberry's Existence

Bicyclists: the whiniest little cunts in the world (subtle enough?)

2010-09-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

As I was driving down Ventura Boulevard today I was listening to music on headphones. My windows were halfway down because my air conditioning is broken right now. Suddenly, as I was stopped behind someone who slammed on the brakes to make a turn (as usual) I heard an effete voice say, "driving with headphones on is illegal."
A bicyclist.

Hey, cyclist, let's use deductive logic for a moment, shall we?

My music's volume was turned down at such a low volume that I could hear you as you said at a normal decibel (not yelling) "blah blah I'm a pathetic, whiney pussy" from a few feet away from my car's window. You, on the other hand, were weaving down one of the most famous and busiest highways in the country at 20 miles per hour on a bicycle.
Which of us poses the most danger to people... you fucking moron?

This incident also reminded me of something that happened to me in Burbank two years ago: I got a $60 ticket because when I parked my car it was exactly one inch more than was allowed from the curb. The parking meter guy even measured it shamelessly. When I complained that I was basically parked in an area that resembled a state park and my car was nowhere near traffic regardless of its distance from the curb he told me that a bicyclist blew the whistle on me. Apparently even though my car was maybe one foot away from the bicycle lane it was too close for the bicyclist cunt.

Now let's return to today's incident. Based on the Burbank incident and my ability to articulate my flawless deductive logic you might ask how I handled the cunt who was peddling down Ventura Boulevard.
Well, I addressed him in the same dispassionate, logical manner that I use in any situation.
I said....

"You know what should be illegal, you pussy?! THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD."

Aaaaaaahhhhh....

Wall Street 2 Review

2010-09-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

I loved this movie until its final thirty minutes or so. During those thirty minutes you realize that Stone and his team of writers were searching desperately for a way to end the movie on a positive, hopeful note. We are left to plod along with them on this implausible track. Also, during the ending Gekko's daughter's character consistency is shot to hell, and she appears as venal as the characters against whom she rails.

Those moments are especially disappointing because I believed that this movie had the potential to be Stone's best film ever. Carey Mulligan and Michael Douglas in particular delivered great performances. Shia Lebeouf is "good enough." The writing is fairly unpredictable then everything seems to be tied into a nice bundle near the end. The problem was that Stone couldn't quite bring himself to put the bow on that bundle. He wanted to add a bit of glitter to it, which seemed gaudy and completely out of place.

Bottom line: if this movie had ended on a somewhat dark note it would have reflected the reality of modern day Wall Street, and it would have made for a tighter, better movie.

It's worth watching, and if you liked the first Wall Street it probably won't disappoint you. You might want to leave during its third act, though :)

New York City

2010-09-18T21:39:00.001-07:00

The last time (and maybe fifth total) I visited New York was during 2005.
As my father and I ascended a flight of stairs that led up from the train I heard a deafening jackhammer, smelled the acrid scent of urine, felt people push on either side of me, saw mostly people who looked half-dead and had a metallic taste in my mouth.
....And this was just during the first few minutes.
I said to my father, "this is like an assault on all of my senses at once."
He laughed knowingly....
Anyway, I am just thinking about that experience for some reason.

Random Hilarity

2010-09-08T21:37:00.001-07:00

I recommend this song.

2010-09-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

This girl is tre`s sweet, and her new song is rockin'.
Check it out. Buy it.

Oh, yes. It's on.

2010-09-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

First, "Chinese Democracy," now...

"Though the game has been presumed dead so many times you’d need an abacus to keep track, 'Duke Nukem Forever' is very much alive – and he’s coming to store shelves soon."

Kim Kardashian Not Planning Cougar Attack

2010-09-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

HollywoodNews.com: Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber have been photographed together frolicking on the beach for a shoot for Elle magazine that brought up rumors that maybe the two were considering dating each other.

However, Kardashian went on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and cleared things up saying that it’s never going to happen. She said, “This is disgusting."

Leno said, "The age disparity is a bit much." Kardashian replied, "Age? No, I mean he's a cracker."

____________

Alright. The last line is bullshit that I fabricated. But if you actually want to read the entire real article:

Here

Do We Look Like Transparent Morons?

2010-09-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

Usually I don't care about politics, and I don't want to pay more attention to the attention whore Glenn Beck or his moronic followers....
but this video is unbelievably funny.

Wall Street

2010-09-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

Well, this essay is a day late. Shit happens. Shit happened yesterday. I wish that I could avoid shit.

Anyway, when I was in the eighth grade my history teacher shifted away from European dynasties and the lifestyles of the aristocracy with, "now we are going to talk about the stories of YOUR ancestors." The fact is that the vast majority of us are descended from people of modest or poor means. The economies of yesteryear basically consisted of a lower class and an upper class. In the history of "civilized" man, the middle class is a modern anomaly.

As there was a Soviet system in which the state usurped the workings of East Europe's economy and supposedly doled the collected resources to people according to their needs, I believe that there is an equally extremist yet polar opposite paradigm that believes that corporations and the wealthy should have laissez-faire, government-free control of the economy. The people who believe in the laissez-faire model believe subconsiously or consciously that a rich/poor dichotomy is the natural order of things, and America needs to return to such a model. Please bear in mind that most of the American middle class is a product of the reforms that occured during the 1930's and '40s during which regulations prevented the sort of "great depressions" and "roaring '20s" ("boom and bust cycle) that occured mostly during the early 20th century and late 19th century.

Since the foundation of modern economic systems there always seems to be a battle to remain somewhere in between these two extremes.

Enter Wall Street. Enter the colossal fuck-ups of the last several years. When Oliver Stone made "Wall Street" I don't think that even he recognized its prescience-- I believe that Orson Welles said that the best movies are made by mistake. Anyway, at the time, Stone's project probably seemed like a vanity project that he made to honor his deceased father, who was a stock broker. To many '80s movie critics it probably seemed like the "Pushing Tin" of its time-- i.e.: "who gives a fuck about air traffic controllers?"

Well, who gives a fuck about Wall Street traders? Did we truly remember anything about this movie? Two words; one name: Gordon Gekko. As with most great movies, the characters are striking, but only one name stands out. I defy you to remember the Sheens' characters names. You can't. Unfortunately, Gekko is the embodiment of modern America. At the time he probably seemed like the sort of evil bastard who my parents and grandparents worked hard to avoid. Now he is America-- the guy from the lower of middle class who used cutthroat tactics (do "toxic loans" ring a bell?) to scale the pile of skulls to the top. Now we have second or third generation Gekkos -- a newly established class of American aristocracy. They are the sort of people who were either unaffected by the last economic crash or they actually benefited from it. They are the people who continue to manipulate the economy to their own ends without hesitation. Nowadays, unlike Gekko, they are not arrested. There is almost nothing in place to hold them back.
As Gekko himself stated in the Wall Street 2 trailer, "I said 'greed is good.' Well, now it's LEGAL."

The characters whose names you have forgotten-- Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) and Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)-- are things of the past. Carl, who was a union leader, is now a relic partly because multinational corporations now OWN the American government (especially since the end of the Cold War). Bud Fox, in a move of brilliance on Stone's part, is apparently a Gekko-like character in the movie... He is a reprentation of the twisted transformation that America has undergone during the last several decades.

Carl Fox's last words in Wall Street continue to haunt me: "Stop going for the easy buck, and start producing something with your life. Create, instead of living off the buying and selling of others."
Where are America's industries? We shipped them overseas when the Soviet Union collapsed in an effort to appear "free." "Protectionism" was no longer necessary, apparently. I guess that regulations of the markets were also no longer needed. The sort of "insider trading" that is explored in Wall Street is perfectly fine "because everyone engages in it." What have we done to the middle class? Does anyone give a fuck anymore?
Carl: "Create, instead of living off the buying and selling of others."
Lesson NOT learned, America. The Age of Gekko sucks.

Prelude to a Thrill

2010-09-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

Michael Douglas revealed that he has throat cancer, but don't worry.. much. He will probably survive it, and if his dad's longevity is any indication he will live to age 538.

Wall Street 2's early reviews have a 90% favorable rating on the Tomato Meter: check it out.

Tomorrow I'm going to write a brief essay on this blog about the history of economics in this world and America, and I'm going to illustrate why Stone's "Wall Street" matters. BE THERE.

From Rolling Stone.com:

2010-09-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

"The celebrations for what would have been John Lennon’s 70th birthday, on October 9th of this year, have begun to take shape. On October 5th, EMI will reissue freshened versions of Lennon’s solo albums, along with some previously unreleased home recordings. And on the actual anniversary, Yoko Ono will hold her annual lighting of the Imagine Peace Tower on an island off ReykjavÌk, Iceland. 'The fact that this year is John’s 70th birthday year is very special for us all,' Ono tells Rolling Stone. 'We are all together celebrating John for having given us so much good energy in his lifetime and now.'"

Read more here.

"Google invents most annoying bug ever."

2010-08-31T15:15:00.000-07:00

Some of you guys might have noticed this.
I repeatedly checked my Gmail today with the express purpose of hearing that music because it's hilarious to me.

"Still a Virgin?" Update

2010-08-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

As I was driving in and looked at the sign again I noticed that there is a "Rated R" sign on its lower left corner. I knew that it was probably a gag. The fact that it's a movie promotion... well, I stand by "oh, Los Angeles..."

Oh, Los Angeles....

2010-08-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

Spotted on Ventura Boulevard, 30 yards or so away from where I live:

Nerds Continue to RAGE!

2010-08-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

Another response to the article that I posted:

Youtube is up in arms!

2010-08-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

You have probably read that quite a few Youtubers are making 6 figure salaries from... uh... their videos. But you probably have not read this piece, which is creating quite a stir amongst my fellow nerds.

A Must Buy!

2010-08-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

The State (of '90s MTV fame) cast finally plans to release an album that it recorded during '96:

Comedy for Gracious Living

On a Bizarre Psychological Phenomenon

2010-08-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

When I was apartment-searching in Ann Arbor, MI (NAME DROP) a few years ago I read many reviews of apartment complexes. I noticed that two comments about two different apartment complexes were bizarrely familiar and familiarly bizarre. In each case, a woman complained that a prowler somehow managed to break into her bedroom, stood near the foot of her bed, then dove through the open window to make his escape when she awoke and discovered him.

He didn't rape them; he didn't say a word to them; he didn't take a picture. He simply stood near the bed, stared at them, then fled. One of the women implied that he was black.
I thought that maybe the women should know that their accounts were strangely similar. I briefly considered sending a private message to them. Then I quickly abandoned the idea as I shoved the remaining contents of a Dorito bag in my face then burped.

But as I scoured the internet one month ago in search of a new apartment in Los Angeles (NAME DROP) I noticed... the same account. A man stood near the foot of a woman's bed then dove out of the window when she spotted him.
Well, it's worthy of future consideration: are some women prone to this identical... narcissistic illusion? Are their brains more prone to have it when they awaken?
I majored in psychology, yet I never encountered something that was quite like this.

Grandpa Cobain

2010-08-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

Read an awesome story about Kurt's grandfather here.

Random Hilarity

2010-08-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

This.

Disturbed's New Album

2010-08-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Bill Oberst, Jr. (pictured in foreground) is in the new Disturbed video "Asylum!"

Check it out here.

"Late-Middle-Aged Symphonies to God"

2010-08-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

Brian Wilson's new album was released today.

I like this review.

Retiring the Label

2010-08-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

For a long time I had the title "Just Another Goddamn Midwestern White Boy in Los Angeles" above my cartoon picture.
It was based on something that Janeane Garofalo said when she still had her Air America Radio show: "Show business used to be run by sophisticated east coast Jews. Now it's just these damn midwestern white boys." I was amused by how spitefully she said "midwestern white boys," and make no doubt about it: she is an elitist. I pinned the label to myself in many chat rooms.
But I have lived on the west coast for five years now, and although I love Michigan and most of the NORTHERN Midwest, I think that it's time to retire that label.

The Brain as Assassin and Mind/Brain Dualism

2010-08-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that Larry King died. As I watched the TV reportage about it in an airport(?) suddenly a beautiful woman approached me and said, "Michael?"
Immediately I recognized her as the girl I dated 17 years ago in high school. We hit it off very well as we talked about current events and laughed at each other's jokes. Suddenly, her head whirled around. She said, "Oh! Let me introduce you to my daughter and husband!"
I woke up less than one second later. It's as if my brain put the knife in me then my mind said, "Finished with THIS."

"Love the Way You Lie" Vid Released Yesterday

2010-08-06T04:45:00.001-07:00

As I wrote on Twitter: my thoughts while watching Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie" vid: "Wow. That actress sucks. Who the--? Oh. Megan Fox. Everything is clear now."

I love the song regardless.

Listen to Arcade Fire's new album... if you haven't already

2010-08-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

I love it.

Transparent

2010-08-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

This image and headline have appeared on Matt Drudge's site for more than a day:

Alright, guy. We get it-- them negroes gettin' uppity under Obama.
Jesus.

The Most Simultaneously Tragic... and Guiltily Funny Twitter Feeds Ever

2010-07-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

Random Hilarity

2010-07-26T01:16:00.001-07:00

The World's First Dildo?

2010-07-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Read more about this educational story here.

Retraction and an Album Review

2010-07-20T12:29:00.001-07:00

As you have probably heard or read by now, the last story that I posted was b.s.
Either Gibson or his girlfriend have probably considered the move, but it's not going to happen. Whoever sourced that piece should be hanged.

I'm listening to Prince's new 20 Ten Album. I bought it from a British eBay seller because I couldn't find a download online, and it was inexplicably released in a free giveaway in England yet it doesn't have a U.S. release date. A few of the critics have stated that it's a "RETURN TO FORM" for Prince and his "BEST ALBUM SINCE THE '80s."
Meh. There is almost no variation between this album and his last album.
Fairly good, yet forgettable.

Mel Gibson Flees America

2010-07-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

From The Daily Telegraph:

MEL Gibson is poised to quit the US and return to Australia with his ex-wife Robyn after selling his mansion near New York.
The disgraced Hollywood star, who faces allegations of violence from former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, sold the mock-Tudor property, known as Old Mill Farm, for $28 million - a whopping $17 million less than the asking price.

Gibson has also put his Malibu, California home, Lavender Hill Farm, on the market for $17 million, according to a property newsletter.

He has told friends he will move back to Australia with his former wife, who still supports him and recently spoke out against Grigorieva's allegations.

Gibson, 54, will contest the claims of Grigorieva, 40, who says he punched her and hurt their baby, Lucia, during a drunken rage in January.

"Oksana's allegations have united Mel and Robyn, and the move is her idea," a source said.